looking at all those pretty pictures online sometimes stress you out.
they had the most perfect faces ever, if not, near perfect,
that never fails to make you drool with jealousy and envy
and as you stare and stare to nitpick their flaws
slowly you come to realise about yourself

let me see what i do not have which makes other pretty,
in the order of the most annoying first
1. fair skin
2. sharp cheekbones
3. hairless skin
4. flat stomach
5. spec-less eyes

erm yea :/
now that does sound depressing
i should list what i have that makes me pretty now :D
or should i say, something that invoke the jealousy of others ? :p
1. straight and thick hair (a blessing in disguise?)
2. ability to eat without gaining much weight
3. double eyelid
4. nice fingernails
5. brain (if that's counted as pretty :p)

this sounds so much like a product commercial now
oh yeah. :p
end of rambling

i dreamt of my ex last night
i wanted him to hold me
which he did, and somehow it felt good,
putting his hands on my shoulders to my back
gently he told me that
we could not be together again
 
being consciously awake, i dont think about him
and we dont even keep in contact anymore
in fact, i never talk once with any of my exes
after those big break up incidents
i wonder how people can be friends again
without reigniting the old flames?

whereas in the realms of the dreams
i wanted him to come back
how do i get away from this guiltiness
that surrounds me every time i wake up
surely the mind runs while if its kept unoccupied

but dont take me wrong
the will for the current relationship stays strong
even though if its separated by distance
i wouldnt want to lose him
though feelings might be stretched thin sometimes
i hope it will bounce back to how i felt before

i looked into the mirror
while asking myself
do i still know how to dance?
i lifted up my hand
i lifted up my leg
somehow they felt awkward
i twirled a round or two
the gracefulness only existed in my mind

maybe that was not enough
or so i thought
i put on music
in a hope that something
might awakened my senses
but before it did
the music spluttered and died
and once again
the silence ruled the space
 
a broken puppet i was
a lost puppet without puppeteer
all alone in this dingy room
glory days were over
it's time to accept reality
of manginess and mustiness


 

when i was small

when i was small,
i always wanted to be invisible,
to escape from this world,
or simply just to remain unnoticeable.

i do not want to care
i do not want to be involved
being invisible offers me a cloak
to cover myself from the others
certainly i was a selfish child
but yet i do not inflict harm

and then as time goes on,
i wanted to be able to morph
into someone else,
so that i can manipulate situations
while masking my identity

i wanted to be someone else
so i know how prejudiced people are,
people treat others
based on perception or impression
i was never the favored one
and most of the time i despised those who are