Hello we meet again,
It's been long time since i come here.
How are you?
I'm sorry for locking you here but i have to do it
i know you're bored sitting in that tiny cage for so long
i can see that you're drying up, turning cold and hard
isnt it better that way?
no one can hurt you anymore.
so long, till i make the next visit again.

it's nearly one year. i guess all have to settle down some time or another. there's no turning back from now on. it's kind of mixed feelings. funny that when you're wanted, you don't feel like you want the person and when the opposite happens, it's vice versa. stupid brain right? chose this road, got to stay on the road. it's not all that bad. sometimes it hurts there and here but we'll all survive. life goes on. got to admit, you gives the best love, care and attention one could ask for. for me, at least, so far. sometimes i wish a truck would hit me and i would get amnesia and live for the time being. meaning, selective amnesia, i would like to keep all my intellectual stuff and forgot other troubled memories.

i realised this blog is like nearly all about you, with exceptions to the earlier entries. a space for me to pour out emotional stuff. maybe when one day i finally forget everything, these entries will stop. you gave me too much to yearn for. i yearn for close relationship which you cant provide so that's where we are right now. it's for the best, i always feel you deserve better than just an attention seeking girl.

it's christmas time. it's one year already, more or less. it's hard to forget all. i wanted to ask, are you back here? but i dare not have the courage.

i have to admit, i kinda miss you at times, though i dont give much thought about it, just when i'm alone, the thoughts would flow back like torrents. oh why.

what do i do?

for a fleeting thought, i thought of packing my bag and going back to my ex. but i cant imagine breaking up with my current one. what do i do?

half a year

it's been half a year now. sometimes i still wonder if i made the right choice. sometimes i wonder what would  happen if the other way had happened.

here i am

here i am again. in the middle of the waking night. it's been over a month now. i am so afraid to indulge into this feeling of loss. my brain refuses to let me think about it, the defensive system kicks in quite effectively enough. life's been good for me, it always does. and when it offers something good, i just dont know how to appreciate it.

silence. i dont know how's life treating you. i heard you are back to the path of God. that's good to hear, at the very least, i am returning you to your God, really, sometimes that's how i feel. i am sorry not being able to walk with you to the path of God. He sure has better plans for you.