everyday i feel i'm losing hold of something important. i'm fighting so hard to lose all the temptations. i am a person who falls easily. one by one they come and go. without your presence here, its even harder for me to fight alone. i held on those fragments of memories, reliving each moment of tears and joy. you made me realise how much life can offer. i do not want to lose you. please make me stay strong.

why is it that i feel like you're always kicking me out of the conversation?

dear diary,

its been long since i last pour my heart to you, something that i havent done in awhile. words seem hard to be expressed nowadays, i guess my vocabulary had dwindled to an elementary level since silence has taken control over me. i was about to start writing when a bomb exploded a couple of feet from my base. it was chaos but that was nothing new. i heard some cries as some fragments found their mark on the unfortunate ones. i was lucky to be underground in my dinghy office that time. i must move on for now; just when i found some time to write, they decided to drop some bombs. hope to see you soon.

putting the last hint of make up on her face
she strut out with confidence
to the party she is going
where to be the center of attraction
is her aim for tonight

sashaying her way into the room
she could feel secret glances at her way
to be the dream girl of every man
but at the same time acting coy
could she balance between the attraction?

bending down a little
a little cleavage is revealed
one wild pair of eyes looked down
"would you like a drink?"
she smiled at her prey 

looking at all those pretty pictures online sometimes stress you out.
they had the most perfect faces ever, if not, near perfect,
that never fails to make you drool with jealousy and envy
and as you stare and stare to nitpick their flaws
slowly you come to realise about yourself

let me see what i do not have which makes other pretty,
in the order of the most annoying first
1. fair skin
2. sharp cheekbones
3. hairless skin
4. flat stomach
5. spec-less eyes

erm yea :/
now that does sound depressing
i should list what i have that makes me pretty now :D
or should i say, something that invoke the jealousy of others ? :p
1. straight and thick hair (a blessing in disguise?)
2. ability to eat without gaining much weight
3. double eyelid
4. nice fingernails
5. brain (if that's counted as pretty :p)

this sounds so much like a product commercial now
oh yeah. :p
end of rambling

i dreamt of my ex last night
i wanted him to hold me
which he did, and somehow it felt good,
putting his hands on my shoulders to my back
gently he told me that
we could not be together again
 
being consciously awake, i dont think about him
and we dont even keep in contact anymore
in fact, i never talk once with any of my exes
after those big break up incidents
i wonder how people can be friends again
without reigniting the old flames?

whereas in the realms of the dreams
i wanted him to come back
how do i get away from this guiltiness
that surrounds me every time i wake up
surely the mind runs while if its kept unoccupied

but dont take me wrong
the will for the current relationship stays strong
even though if its separated by distance
i wouldnt want to lose him
though feelings might be stretched thin sometimes
i hope it will bounce back to how i felt before

i looked into the mirror
while asking myself
do i still know how to dance?
i lifted up my hand
i lifted up my leg
somehow they felt awkward
i twirled a round or two
the gracefulness only existed in my mind

maybe that was not enough
or so i thought
i put on music
in a hope that something
might awakened my senses
but before it did
the music spluttered and died
and once again
the silence ruled the space
 
a broken puppet i was
a lost puppet without puppeteer
all alone in this dingy room
glory days were over
it's time to accept reality
of manginess and mustiness


 

when i was small

when i was small,
i always wanted to be invisible,
to escape from this world,
or simply just to remain unnoticeable.

i do not want to care
i do not want to be involved
being invisible offers me a cloak
to cover myself from the others
certainly i was a selfish child
but yet i do not inflict harm

and then as time goes on,
i wanted to be able to morph
into someone else,
so that i can manipulate situations
while masking my identity

i wanted to be someone else
so i know how prejudiced people are,
people treat others
based on perception or impression
i was never the favored one
and most of the time i despised those who are

we had our first argument online,
its not the first time,
but it hurts just as bad
i had forgotten how it used to be
before you came to my life
now everything comes back

its deja vu, isnt it
the physical separation
that might lead to eternal one

i'm so scared
i can only hope and pray
please dont let this happen again

sometimes i just wonder
if i wasnt the right one for you
everything about us is so different
sure, opposites attract,
but would they stick after that?

tried as hard i could be
to suit what you want
but i always come back
to my childish conceited self