i sat here
the room that i colonized
the smelly bedsheets and blanket piled up one side
replaced with my own
all my soft toys strewn on its new bed
my thick books on the newly wiped table
my small room
for temporary

its morning
yesterday rained heavily
i slept on and off
felt a warm figure beside me snuggling
liked d warmness even just awhile
wished it was longer
and then he went away
i continued sleeping

waking up
trying to study
barely managed a chapter
and then dozed off on the book

woke up again
went downstair to grab some bread
managed two chapters
he still havent wake up

i smelled the neighbours cooking
sometimes i wish i know how to cook

it would be great to wake him up with my breakfast
such a big dream, just to start a gas fire already failed

to be continued..

desolate piece

silence around me
not a human in sight
tis not zen
its loneliness
absolute loneliness
nobody around
i called his number
first time it went unanswered
second time it was hung after a few seconds
i was dying to talk to someone
couldnt find anyone else to talk
he was playing with his buddies over the other side
i was left abandoned in this whole lonely hostel
trying to block out all the horrifying images
i'm not someone very brave
but what could i do
looking at the endless corridors before me
felt like crying
it looks like a horror scene
depicted in a lonely hostel block
wanting to go to toilet badly
i hate you
i want somebody to talk to while i go toilet
i am scared
i'm just another one of those desperate girls
that seeks so much attention and energy

a deja vu
this feeling happened before
exactly one year ago
the loneliness in the room
tears keep dropping
couldnt sleep
didnt know what to do
last time you were there
nowadays i couldnt help complaining
had i taken you as granted?

tomorrow i'll be seeing you
all this feeling will be gone
if i choose to continue dwell on this feeling
both of us wont be happy
it would be better to forget all my negative thoughts
and just concentrate on the happier ones
they are meant to be buried deep inside

this week was my worst week ever.
it started off with a wild goose chase and ends up with a disappointment.
then my documents got rejected at jpa and i had to do it all over again
without a car, it's hard for me to get out
tried a few numbers for car rentals
but failed due to miscommunication
and i wasn't very confident of driving anyway
at that moment of desperateness, i asked his help
but he couldnt come over
i sort of expected him to come
and when he couldn't, i was between furious and disappointed
but i didn't force him
it wont be reasonable if i ask him to come all the way here
in the end, my all important jpa documents are still unsettled now
and the last row of the week,
my beautiful new dress got stolen off the hostel hook
i was beyond devastated
seriously, that bitch ought to rot in hell
you might think why all the fuss over a dress
that was favourite dress, and i only wore it twice
i couldnt imagine how the parents felt
when they turn up at kindergarden just to find their kid missing
it was beyond comparable
and what about those people who got their home stolen from them
or their body parts lost in a riot
and i in comparison only lost a dress
wasnt a very big deal isnt it
sigh
still, that was my favourite dress
it's really an unlucky week for me
hopefully next week will be better

i stayed on looking at him going away
dunno why i feel so depressed after that

somehow, the depressed feeling came back to haunt me
looking back, it's been a year now
maybe august is a time to mourn
it all comes back in a cycle