here i am

here i am again. in the middle of the waking night. it's been over a month now. i am so afraid to indulge into this feeling of loss. my brain refuses to let me think about it, the defensive system kicks in quite effectively enough. life's been good for me, it always does. and when it offers something good, i just dont know how to appreciate it.

silence. i dont know how's life treating you. i heard you are back to the path of God. that's good to hear, at the very least, i am returning you to your God, really, sometimes that's how i feel. i am sorry not being able to walk with you to the path of God. He sure has better plans for you.

How are you? it's a rhetorical question. you dropped me a message, from there i know you are still mad. how could i move on so easily, you might wonder. i guess i am born this way. despite that, the pieces are still haunting me, every bit of the memories floating everywhere i went. i have wasted two years of your life, i could never return it back, it's a debt to you i have to carry, an unrepayable debt. please forgive me.